Warm Horizon

Notes from Jim

If you or your family member are reflexively defensive in your daily interactions, are having to receive frequent clarification from others that they aren’t accusing you of anything, or commonly are quick to say no to requests but then almost always grant those requests, it is highly likely that an underlying guilt issue is actively present. And the only way to resolve inner guilt is to consider it, determine its validity and if appropriate acknowledge it, forgive yourself for it if it is valid (something that will take time and self-affirmation), and release yourself (repeatedly if necessary) from it. Admittedly, it is easier to resolve guilt of which we are consciously in touch than that which is beneath our conscious awareness. (Remember this is not intended as a form of diagnosis of guilt, but is simply written from the experience of people who were aware of guilt issues within themselves.)

I realize that some persons have major past incidences of guilt in regret of which they have chosen and dedicated their life’s work. But no matter what anyone may have been guilty of, that guilt cannot make you unacceptable and it is invalid to continually beat yourself up (psychologically) about it. (We will consider later how to handle guilt.)

To overcome the effects of an early-life traumatic incident, we must understand that we are still special and important just like everyone else but that we are caught in the experience and therein in the aforementioned false assumption. Then, we must build through self-affirmation—positive and truthful statements with understanding of their validity—a healthy sense of self in place of our traumatized sense of self. Such an accomplishment takes determination and perseverance—essentially a commitment to making the task the most important job of our life. To succeed, we must choose to remain focused on the truth and we must choose to let go of and otherwise avoid the painful, false-based feelings and thoughts that we generated as a result of the traumatic incident. We cannot undo the traumatic experience from within it. In my experience, the best that we can do is to override the experience and to accept fully the reasoning delineated in the preceding paragraphs that invalidates the traumatic effects (and implications) retained from the event. The key point to remember is that the right thoughts will produce the right feelings and that the power to heal is found in the power of thought. This point marks the primary quest of this program.

Please know that I am not suggesting that anyone attempt to ignore their traumatic feelings. There is definitely a need to recognize such difficult negative feelings, to face up to them, to take up for oneself in terms of our helplessness and the fact that we did nothing that warranted our trauma, to share them and our experience with someone we trust, and to release them in a way that is meaningful and thus effective. But so often I see those who experienced such early trauma have some precipitating incident reacquaint them with their experience, then re-entrench themselves in the conglomerate of their trauma-related feelings in an effort to deal with their issue, and end up miring themselves as deeply as ever in the effects of the trauma—all without any apparent therapeutic gain and possibly with some extension of their emotional damage.

Thus, we are back to the original point: that we cannot rationally work our way out of long-standing emotional difficulty by re-accepting our inherent erroneous beliefs and then attempting to proceed from them. In my opinion, what we must do is incorporate new truth-based beliefs within ourselves that can contradict and rid us of our disabling feelings. (If you are currently involved with a psychotherapist, he/she must be/remain your authority and guide to deal effectively with your issues. Plus, you have quite possibly already considered the previous information with your therapist. But, if not, upon considering this information to any extent, I urge you to consult your therapist before choosing to focus on it extensively.)